Poison Spider

Nothing much about the title, I just happened to listen to Vixx - Poison Spider when I got the drive to write this post.

I'm not a good girl. People who's close to me in the past couple years mostky know how I really am under my "innocent girl" mask. 

I've been broken for plenty enough times that my heart is now shattered in million little pieces. I barely holding on to the largest piece until now but unfortunately, that piece is as dark and as suffocating as being inside black hole. 

I don't remember how to be innonecently fall in love head over heels with someone. The last attempt I did on this was.... 4 years ago. When I met that little wolf. I can't remember the excitement and tingling feeling you got talking to the one you like. I can't remember how to try loving someone, and trusting him with all of my heart despite knowing he could, and he would, break this little heart some day. I don't remember how to be a girl that falls in love prettily, and make the one she love, love her back. I didn't remember how it feels to have someone love me, faithfully. 

I don't remember the desperation when I wait for him to text me back, that possessive feelings that tell you exactly, "this is it, you're in love with him". 

Even though there were "some" helpless guys trying to mend this broken piece of shit that I am, I don't appreciate "them" enough. Because I feel like "they" are just trying his luck with me. I try to play around with him. Quick enough before I knew they actually being serious with me, and that where the games ended. 

I guess I could really call myself a "Poison Spider". Playing with her food--those poor guys--, making them comfortable just until I feel bored with their "nice" attitude and start eating them alive, leaving nothing but their empty shells. I guess I'm meant to be alone for my whole life, looking for snacks once in a while to keep me alive. Until a hunter found me inside my messed up nest and grab me inside his palm and put me inside his glass tank. He would then start calling me names, and feed me every time I look bored enough just to entertain him looking at me while I play with my food.